I recall the other night,

Categories Personal

I recall the other night, when things did not go well at all. It all seemed like a downhill spiral into a dark eternal abyss, and I had no control of the situation whatsoever. Why can’t I stop myself from these negative actions, thoughts, and emotions which were so strong and so real? Will there be a turn for the better? I was feeling absolutely alone, and found not a single hint of support. I couldn’t believe what was going on. To have gone through a terrible event and wishing it hadn’t happened–is one of the most horrifying feelings in the world.

When will this torment end? I wanted it to stop. I felt as if I was pulling the brake lever on a locomotive attempting to save it from diving into a canyon. But nothing I did seemed to have any relevance or influence as to what was going on. And then, there I was. Still alone, yet not bothered by the fact. Sunlight shimmered through the blinds. In a state of pure wonderment, I questioned about the consequences of what had transpired. Finally, I reached full consciousness: it never happened. To have gone through a terrible event and knowing that it didn’t happen–isn’t that one of the most delightful feelings in the world?

Talk to me, Goose.