tweets

You know you’re old when your friends have kids on purpose.

Amazon Raises Free Shipping Minimum to $35 amazon.com/gp/feature.htm…

I’m flattered people think I look like I can run the Nike women’s marathon tomorrow. #notevenclose

Phew. Two seconds away from being hit by a car. Yay, I still get to eat dinner tonight.

Unless you know my name, no body freaking contact.

Btw, happy #oaktober!

You only YOLO once. Is that how you say it? #inception

Maybe you should consider keeping your selfies to yourself.

I wish summer and the length of your shorts were longer.

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that morning and mourning sound the same.

Me: I don’t know if I can eat Asian in the Castro. Lydia: Don’t think of it as Asian.

I wish people had a “skip intro” button.

The longest 5 seconds in anyone’s life is waiting to press the “Skip Ad” button on YouTube.

Pet peeve #9 Business employees who think we’re on first name basis b/c they saw it on my credit card. You don’t know a lousy thing bout me.

Just dropped off a truckload of Dooney & Bourke bags @CrossroadsStyle on Irving. You’re welcome, hipsters of San Francisco! cc @citysnaps

Step 1: Send all the Burners to the desert. Step 2: Close the Bridge. Step 3: Go to brunch.

What’s going on @instagram? Some glitch caused me to start following 10 random people…

First time with a shotgun. (@ United Sportsman) 4sq.com/1dtV510

I should have named this Pre-engagement Pics. Congratulations @jesstcheng! somegirlwitha.com/chinatown-shop…

Charley instagram.com/p/dN2q_eokbr/